Bullying……..

Bullying……. A continuous
menace……..

There is no age for bullying to start, it can be at any time, be it as early as class 1 or
later on in 4th or 5th.

An observation and study of children has really lead me to think, what is it
which makes one bully and what is it that makes a child bullied???

Is being overly dominating to have ones point of view proved by any means, be it
shouting, physical assault or verbal abuse amounting to bullying? A very fine
line distinguishes between being a dominating personality and bullying.

Very often I have seen children and parents come across to me who don’t know how to handle a
child who refuses to go to school as he cannot take the pressure of physically
bigger children who by the virtue of being physically stronger make the
weaklings tow into line.

A week ago a 10 year old was brought who was did not want to miss school and yet was not
happy going to school, the reason being that he was being pushed around by
seniors who were physically, mentally and by virtue of their seniority were
senior tormenting the child, pushing him around, hitting him and verbally
threatening to harm him if he went and reported to anyone else. There was no
apparent cause other than the fact that this 10 year old was a loner and
physically a weak child.

The child was in a fix as he was scared of these kids, cried in a corner in school and
then put up a brave face and continued with his daily activities in school.

He did not want the parents to intervene and did not want to report to teachers as it
would mean being a sissy in school.

Further on probing it came to light that the 2 seniors were from broken homes trying to in all probability take out
their own frustrations on to someone weaker.

The 10 year old did not wish to retaliate
as he thought that it was ok to be pushed around as it is he was not a topper
and was poor in academics, sports or any other activity, so it was all right
and that’s how life had to carry on.

He had started believing in himself as being
a failure and that being pushed around was ok.

Somewhere he has lost his sense of dignity,
self respect and the right to stand up for himself.

The father of this child felt that it was ok to be roughed up and he had to fight his own
way out but the mother was more vocal in her disapproval of the whole act of
outrageous bullying.

Even though she felt the other children had their own baggage, yet it did not give them the
space or authority to rake it out on someone who was a weakling.

This again drives home a point that who are the children who bully? Are they suffering
from deeper complexes in life that there is no other way for them to gain
acceptance?

Why do the children bend in to the bullying when tormented by the seniors, which further
percolates down to the college level where it takes the form of ragging?

Do we as teachers, parents, friends and seniors need to step in and understand at the base level
of the behaviour patterns of children.

Can we as adults take on a more active role in the form of peer parents, teachers and friends in
understanding the problem and trying to work out a doable solution

Are we as adults somewhere faltering in not being able to manage our own temper and its
outcome and then running from pillar  to
post to  save the children from being
overly aggressive and temperamental…..

Brings me back to the same point, family the most important unit, love it and nurture it
with your own dignity intact

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  141. I can remember kids sniyag mean things when I was younger. I was empowered by standing up for myself. I believe adversity builds power. Fortunately, the bullying behavior only hurt my feelings, and luckily I was never physically hurt. I did became a stronger person by handling those situations. Now as an adult, and to be proactive, myself and my family now practice karate. Karate has given us amazing confidence, strength and discipline. I highly recommend karate to the young and old alike! I, of course, have taught my children to never bully but also to always intervene when they see bullying. To me, to watch and say or do nothing, is just as wrong as doing the bullying .When you do stand up to a bully and defend the victim, it makes you feel good. I always say Be the bigger person and defend the underdog’. I appreciate the work you are doing and hope for the best for you, your family, and your organization.

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      thanks for the encouraging words, I appreciate it and will continue posting

      • Bullying happens in all fomrus: sports is no exception! My 12 y/o son was bullied by a number of his football teammates schoolmates after sustaining a concussion during practice last fall. Helmet to helmet hit – knocked unconscious. He worked so hard training over the summer and achieved his goal of playing quarterback . The injury put him out for the entire season. Unbelievably, some of the kids began calling him a wimp and a coward, and others who had previously been “friends” with my son joined in with these name callers. This lasted for several months. However, he also had several friends that stood by him. My son was very fortunate not only to recover from his injury, but to have true friends that stood by him during this difficult time. We must exemplify the actions of those like my son’s true friends – I believe it is a key component to combatting bullying.

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          Dear Valery ,
          thanks for taking time out and replying. yes I totally agree with you that a support system is definitely required from any front, be it a parent or a friend. but one thing must be kept in mind that the child who will support your child would be of the same age , thus this also shows true friendship

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    I FULLY AGREE WITH YOU THAT ALL EXAMPLES OF BULLYING HAVE A PSYCHOLOGICAL BACKGROUND WHICH VERY FEW UNDERSTAND AND BELEIVE.THEY ARE BLINDED IN THEIR WISDOM OF REALITY ABOUT CHILD GROWTH.YES,IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO TEACH OR MAKE EACH AND EVERYONE UNDERSTAND(BOTH AT PARENT LEVEL OR AT CHILD LEVEL)AS ALL FINGERS ARE NOT THE SAME AND THATS WHEN YOUR ROLE COMES.
    FULLY AGREE THAT THOSE FEW UNDERSTANDING ADULTS HAVE TO TAKE UP THE ROLE OF BECOMING PEER PARENTS,TEACHERS OF FRIENDS AND NOT LEAVE IT TO THE NOT UNDERSTANDNG PARENTS OR TEACHERS.THIS WILL NOT BE A LOST BATTEL JUST BECAUSE THE TEACHERS DONT UNDERSTAND THINGS WITH CHLDREN AT SCHOOL OR PARENTS AT HOME.SINCE YOUR UNDERSTANDNG OF THIS TOPIC IS SO CLEAR,I’M SURE YOU WILL BE ABLE TO TACKEL SUCH SITUATIONS AND GIVE COMPLETE COUNCELLNG AND SOLUTIONS TO SUCH SITUATIONS.YOU NEED TO PERCULATE DOWN MUCH MORE WITH TIME TO OUTREACH ALL THOSE PLACES WHICH NEED YOU MORE.WELL WRITTEN ONCE AGAIN.

    • Deepinder Sekhon

      Thanks once again for your encouraging comments, I purposely didnot write what solution we came to as i wanted a feedback on what should have been done.
      neverthless in this case it was found important for the child to have have understood that taking any kind of abuse whether it is physical , emotional or mental is a big no no, he would have to stand up forhimself with of course at htis time parental intervention as there was a danger of having physical harm to the child.

      In any case, be it adults or children even if there is spouse abuse and torment dosent one take the help of the law in the end? A wife being brutally beaten and abused for any reason ultimately turns to law enforcing agencies.
      in this case its a small child we are talking about who has a fulll life ahead of taking correct decisions.

      • I FULLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE WITH THE APPROACH AND YOUR DECITION REGARDING THE CHILD.
        THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WHICH YOU HAVE HIGHLIGHTED IN YOUR REPLY WHILE COMPARING A CHILD OR AN ADULT IS THAT ALL AGES HAVE TO BE TACKELED WITH VARIOUS DIFFERENT APPROACHES WHCH ARE AKIN TO THEIR MENTAL AGE AND UNDERSTANDING.
        VERY CORRECT APPROACH TO MANTAIN AND REFORM A FALLNG SELF ESTEEM AND DIGNITY OF A HUMAN.

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