Letting Go Of Your Child: What Does It Mean?

In an interesting conversation with a friend, lead me thinking a lot on what exactly the role of a parent in the life of a child is. Everyone goes through different stages of life. Without delving much into the stages of infancy, I am going to fast forward to that stage of life, from being an adolescent to now being an adult who is going to be a person in his own way, be single, in a romantic relationship or being married.

This stage of adulthood is a very different stage in the life of an adult as the attachment from a parent now tends to shifts toward the spouse/ partner. Does it mean that your child will stop loving you?

No, because the attachment remains with the care giver; however, the orientation then shifts from the parent to the spouse and gradually new attachments are formed. It’s a stage of exploration for your child, forming newer relationships, reworking boundaries and figuring out a life independently.

While the adult child goes on to building newer connections, the parent is also at the crossroads of letting go or stepping in. As a parent one realizes the need to step back and let the child, who is now an adult fly away. The fears however creep in, whether a parent would be redundant or forgotten.

Here comes the role of the attachments that the parent has formed with the child right from infancy. These early stages of development are most important in the life of a parent and child as that is the stage which is the foundational stage for the parent child bond and this also sets the stage for adult relationships. It’s okay for your child to want to be an individual in his/her own sense, because a secure relationship that you have formed in the early years will allow a child at all stages to go, explore the world and then know that there is a secure base that is the safe haven for the child to turn to.

Having said that it leads me to wonder on how people view going with an adult child for a holiday as being quote, unquote “weird”. It leads me to think about the weirdness part of the equation.

Though the child is a grown adult, he/she having their own opinions, their own mindset and their own manner of thinking. How does it then impinge the relationships?

The conversations then become more mature; the mannerism then changes from being kiddish to more discussion based.

It is also a time to have a look at the mind of your young adult on his/her opinions, and life templates. It is also a window for the adult child to now look at a parent differently, to see the frailties of a parent and may be have a bit kinder view.

Trust your upbringing.

What do you think?  Do leave a comment